Why does the cat meow at the back door to be let in, walk through the house, and then meow at the front door to be let out? Can't she, gee, walk around the house?
Why don't we use "gee" more often? It's a perfectly good little word!
What is so entrancing about the full-length mirror in my room that the girls HAVE to touch it with their gooey little hands, kiss it with lip-glossy lips, and otherwise make it look like a funhouse mirror all the time? Why can't they go look in their OWN mirror in their OWN bathroom?
Let's just extend that question to encompass everything of mine in general - lip balms, nail polish, food on my dinner plate, place where I'm sitting on the couch - they always want to use what I have, usually right in the middle of when I'm using it. Why????
Where are the scissors? I never USE the scissors, but somehow I am always finding the scissors, returning them (it? the pair?) to their/its appropriate spot, and then finding the scissors (ha! avoided that decision!) out loose in the house somewhere. Are they capable of independent motion? What gives?
How come I can tell the girls once that I will get them an ice cream sometime this week, and they will remember that with crystal clarity for days, but I tell them 74 times each mealtime to clear their place and put their dishes in the sink when they're done and they never remember to do it????
How does my tiny little family generate five, count 'em, FIVE loads of laundry every week? Half the clothes I fold and return at the end of the process are garments I swear I have not seen on anyone's back all week. And my pile of laundry is always the smallest! How is this possible? Are the dirty clothes spontaneously generating in the laundry room?!?!?
Why can't I take my own advice and put my reading glasses in the same place every time I take them off, so when I can't find them on my head I can just go look for them in their place, since we have a place for everything and everything in its place? What makes me think I'm going to remember that I put them on the third shelf of the bookcase by the front door? Who looks on the third shelf of the bookcase (besides me, now, obviously) for reading glasses?
What is so hard to remember about "a lot," "definitely," and "separate" that no one can spell those words correctly? There's a rat in separate - BOOM. DONE.
Why does anyone think that not immunizing your kid is a good idea? How is that still even a thing? Is there anyone out there who really believes Jenny McCarthy is a better and more knowledgeable guide to modern medicine than The Lancet? Or the JAMA? Or your local pediatrician? Do we WANT to return to the era of whooping cough and measles and, I dunno, polio? Would that make these people feel better???
Why does it take the MBTA train 1 hour and 15 minutes to travel from Haverhill to Boston? It takes 45 minutes by car; you'd think it would be MORE efficient to take the train instead of less! What gives?
Why does the state's online downloadable library include 10,478 different publications - I can scarcely call them 'books' - of the pulp romance variety? How many variants of novels about cowboys, lords, ships' captains, wealthy businessmen, and soulful carpenters can one woman read? And why are so many of them set at Christmastime? "A New Lord for Christmas." "A Cowboy Under My Christmas Tree." "The Christmas Wedding." Really? Hey, here's a thought, NH Downloadable Audio Book Consortium: Leave the sappy uplifting holiday romance crap for the Lifetime and Hallmark channels, and invest in some damn books.
How have ideas like recycling and using renewable energy sources and investing in infrastructure and promoting mass transit and providing low-interest student loans and grants to impoverished college students and paying living wages become politicized? Aren't these just things we should encourage because they make our country more productive and efficient and competitive in the long run? Isn't everyone in favor of that?
How come, now that I'm older and tireder and more in need of energy, I have no ability to take a nap, fall asleep before 10:30 pm, or sleep past 6:00 am?
Did I not JUST write something about putting my reading glasses away and here I am looking for my reading glasses?!? And why did I find them next to my wallet on the porch? What was I doing with my wallet and my reading glasses out there?
How can my girls go from playing nicely together to involuntary-manslaughter levels of anger with one another in 0.7 seconds?
Who....WHO thought it would be a good idea to make Doritos into a taco shell? And who is willing to subject their bodies to that crap? Are Doritos and Taco Bell in cahoots with Charmin and Pepto-Bismol for cross-marketing purposes?
What other burning questions have I left off this list?